Bring on Season 11 - Jun Song's Take on The Big Brother 11 Premiere

Dishers, Please Welcome Jun Song, winner of Big Brother 4, who will be blogging with BBDish this season. - Carolyn


I have a confession. I’ve always watched Big Brother premieres solo…at home…with greasy takeout and the remote handy so I could pause and rewind at will.

But this premiere, I surrounded myself with a boatload of former houseguests (Monica BB2, Alex BB9, April BB9, Will BB4, Michelle BB10…and even some former Survivor and The Amazing Race contestants.

Janelle P. threw a little bash at her place and I had no idea what to expect…but what’s new…expect the unexpected right? “…whether you are expecting the unexpected or…just expecting…”

Ugh, SHUT UP Chenbot.

I am in love with Chenbot’s wardrobe stylist.

I always said I wish I could be a colorist at a hair salon for a day…just so I could f*ck with people who deserved it so they walked out with green hair.

Chenbot’s dress today was the equivalent of green hair.

And her legs still look shiny as hell, like her water broke early.

This is a pet peeve of mine…you can’t have super matte makeup and lubed-up legs, it’s wrong.

So…with margaritas, wine, champagne and SoCo flowing, we all sat down to BIG BROTHER 11!!!

You know what was really nice to hear tonight? “12 complete strangers…”

THANK YOU CBS for bringing it back old school and throwing strangers back in. I don’t know about the concept of clique-immunity though…but that’s just the former HG in me talking.

If I were IN the house I would HATE It. But watching it sure will be fun!

ATHLETES:

Jeff: Cute…guys’ guy. Except, I think he manscapes…his brows look threaded. Jordan likes him…maybe she’ll stick her booger on him, ew.

Russell: Did anyone tell him this was a game of social intelligence and not REALLY a fighting match? I wonder how he’ll react to the fact that he’s now the Smaller Love Muscle now that Jessie is in the house.

Natalie: Wake me up when she gets interesting. She lies about her age…which is kind of pointless…she lies about her athleticism…which is kind of risky…because no one wants to be around a LIAR. Has she not watched Jim Carrey?

Speaking of which, where the hell has Jim Carrey been lately?!

BRAINS:

Ronnie: Awww, it’s nice to see someone BB-obsessed actually get a chance to enter the house. If he knew his shit though he’d know Michelle (Season 4) was the youngest houseguest ever. Ugh. Amateur.

Michelle: Aw…she’s so screwed. Very cute. She’s gonna be a cryer I think. Good call on downplaying her brain power.

Chima: Her face is so shiny. Reminds me of when Marcellas (Season 3) bitched about how shiny his face always looked on camera. He always looked cute though. This one? Ew. Chima reacts the same way I reacted when I got my key though…laughed my ass off. Her forehead looks like Chenbot’s stomach. Black + Talking = Not ghetto but ignorant (I know, I know, that’s not what she meant). Random fact: I once ate at a Brazilian Restaurant called Chima in Atlanta…it was a churrascaria…damnit, now I want some meat.

POPULAR:

Jordan: Um, sweetie…what rock have you been living under? Don’t get me wrong. Southern charm is great, but there have been so may advances in our world, there ARE better things out there. Booger = Sex ( As in, she’s had sex in her nose?! Honey, you are more woman than I am. Carry on. Let me know how that works out).

Braden: I hope you have a lot of sex with the ocean. Better you cum in there than anywhere near me. Lucky briefs? Were you wearing them when you got your hair frosted? Who let Dr. 90210 Robert Rey on the show?! And did he really WINK at Lydia? I hope she piledrives his ass at some point.

Laura: Why must you be so easy to hate?! Butterface anyone? You can spread it on anything. Oh, and please get the girl some conditioner, her hair is a fire hazard.

OFFBEAT:
Lydia: Is not into white guys that try to rap. IS into white girls who have inflated egos for no good reason.

Kevin: Blackanese? Blasian? Why can't his Japanese heritage come first?! Why not Japablack? or Asiack?! Just kidding, who cares. I fell in love with him when he threw up in his mouth (you will never hear me say this ever again) AND when he called Natalie out on lying about her age, hahaha. However, he should be careful, he's got a whole lot of fierce...

Casey: Aw, it IS sad that he won’t be there for his son’s birthday. That sucks. I wasn’t sure about him until he made fun of Chima laughing at her own jokes.

You could tell he was a little nervous…knee bobbing up and down and fidgeting with his fingers…bad poker player. My “tell” was when I twirled my hair with my fingers. So…Casey apparently has the biggest balls of all the guys in the house, he was tugging and pulling on his wedgie so much it made ME uncomfortable, and I never get uncomfortable with ball play.

I’m not going to lie, I felt a little déjà vu when the HGs waited in front of the house. Reminded me of when I was standing there…wondering why the F--K there were only 8 of us…not knowing MY EX would be joining me.

Former HGs:

Brian: Still so cute…looks like he lost some weight though. I don’t like ‘em too skinny.
Cowboy: So marriage DOES add 15lbs!
Jessica: Um…yeah. Jessica. That’s all I’ve got.
Jessie: Bigger and better than last year. Did someone tell him it “pounds” (lbs)?! He was the most entertaining though of the four past HG…

BEST QUOTE OF THE COMPETITION goes to…Laura: “My crotch hurts so bad” Yeah, it’s not the first or last time honey.

I know most of us know already who gets nominated, but I will be tuning in to see what goes down…you have no idea the tension in the house come nominations!!! Talk to you all soon…

BUT FIRST, Some questions I need answered:
1. Did the super-wedgies look really erotic in nature or was it just me? I could have watched Laura and Jordan get super wedgies all night…
2. Anyone know why there’s no “11” in the Big Brother logo this year? Am I missing something?

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