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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Cruella Deville In the House!

Good Morning, BB Lovers! :) Happy Tuesday! While I get the Overnight Report together, it's time to get your laugh on with BB4 winner & BB11 Dishchick Jun Song!

Here's Jun's exclusive BBDish blog on the CBS Sunday Broadcast of Big Brother 11. Enjoy! :)

by Jun Song

I knew there would be nothing on Sunday’s show about Chima’s disappearance. Still, I kept wishing some glitch in the system would give us something early. Sigh.

I was also waiting for some National Geographic style moments since Chima promised us “wild animal style” the prior week, but still, nothing. Sigh.

Major disappointment all-around.

I did have a good night tho. Highlight of my evening was being possessed for a few seconds. I swear, Cruella Deville took hold of my body Sunday night. When the hags were crying over Jessie, I let out this really guttural cackle that took me by surprise! I sounded so evil!

It was like, I couldn’t wait to get pen to paper and cruciblog Natalie, Chima and Lydia! Can you believe the TEARS they shed for him?!

Sigh, can we talk about how HOT Jeff was that whole time Chima was trying to break him down? Like, his body language was perfection! NEVER let them see your body react, it’s like blood to a CHark, I mean shark.

He made my panties feel too tight as he stood his ground. HAWT! I mean COME ON Chimacus, even Jessie managed to get out a “It’s a good move…” to Jeff!

CHIMA: She was SO well-spoken Sunday evening.

“Russell, kiss my a*s.” Who can blame her right?! Russell can be so intense. He just jumps from zero to $500K in 2 seconds!

“Jeff, shut the f*ck up.” Well then. I am glad Chima let out her feelings in real time.

I envy Chima. It must be so refreshing to be able to do that without fear of recourse. She is SUCH a strong woman that way isn’t she? Sigh…she’s swell.

The section above was the nice version of the Chima Review.


NATALIE: Wahhh, wah, wah…there’s no such thing as “bad versus good” in the BB house my precious little angel. Get with the program! And if you can’t, then work on your presence in a room - ahem, starting with LESS of it.

I swear Natalie made my glass of milk curdle every time she spoke! Yes, I was having milk because yes, I was having cookies.


CHIMA: Really a-hole?! Jessie’s departure was like a family member dying? I took so much offense to that I almost forgot what year it was.

Oh, and all this big talk about woman power. Oh, so is that what strong women do? Gamble 100% on one outcome and then call someone a terrorist thinking you’re in the clear?
Chima said she “believes in karma.” Um, yes. I am glad you do. Do you believe in it for everyone?! Meaning: It applies to you too a-hole.

This part has been the less-than-nice-but-still-nice version of the Chima Review.


LYDIA: HOLY COW. Ohhhh, so Jessie got in your heart, not your head?! Is that why you’re bawling like Dae Yum Yum ran away with that little whore Yae Dum Dum?! Sigh. Unicorns are so fickle.

JEFF: You can semantics if YOU want! Someone please please please put that on a child’s XL t-shirt and send it to me! I will pay for raw materials and shipping! But don’t have some child or illegal immigrant do it please, it would hurt my heart. Unless you didn’t tell me, then it would be okay I guess.



O-O-O-Who’s that boy with the Coup D’Etat Cookie?
Lickin' up the creamy power
Like before his clique went coward
Oh, that yummy O-O-O-Coup-D’Etat!


Oreos always did it for me as a kid. Jeff satiates the kid in me NOW. His “I think we’re getting paranoid” to Russell made me love him even more. As cool as a cucumber he is. As nourishing as a banana he is. As refreshing as a popsicle…etc., etc., etc.

CHIMA: Sigh. You know, I was thinking that sometimes Chima looks really pretty. Sometimes. Depending on the camera angle and the amount of blotter diminishing the shine on her face. Sometimes.

This was the indifferent version of the Chima Review.



MICHELE: I fell asleep with my eyes open as she read the cue card hosting the Have Not Competition. My contacts got all dried out and discombobulated that it made me see 4 Chimas for a split second. It’s all Michele’s fault.

Her screeching “Mon-DAYYY?! Tues-DAYYY?!?! Wednes-DAYYY?!...”gave me indigestion. That, and all the butter I had on my baked potato tonight. Yum.

I felt bad that warmth of Michele’s sweet and victorious HOH room unveiling was cooled down by all the gameplay. Call me crazy, but I thought Lydia was kinda sincere during that event? But still. This house is BROKEN right now.


My mom loves to “lee-tun” broken things btw. She gets all intense like she’s fighting some monster or something. “It’s only a return mom, relax, you don’t even have the receipt for it!” But she always gets her way somehow. And the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree did it?


Hey, did anyone else notice that “Bring It On” by Braden? (For the record, I typed out “Branden” at first before checking myself. So sad that most people won’t even remember him come next year. His “Bring It On” was reminiscent of a game show from the 80s…like Double Dare or something. Sigh.


JESSIE’S SPUNK: Watching these three girls “toast” Jessie was like tripping on ecstasy. There was nothing hostile in my brain, just lots of other feelings. My sweet younger cousin, Miran, was visiting and we watched the show together actually.

I couldn’t even look my cousin in the eye because I was so embarrassed for them. And I’ve been ON the show. Like, these are the chicks that have evolved from seasons past?! Ew! They are like those folks that bring the real estate value down in your neighborhood. I am a BB alum and I want to be proud! Ew.


KEVIN: OMG. His “REdonkulous” faces had me LOVING him! He is right on about the way Jessie’s Spunk was carrying on. Like, really?!


I wish I may, I wish I might
Have the wish I wish tonight that Kevin come entertain me for one night!


(Do stay out of the sun though Darling Kevin, you’re getting discoloration on your forehead! Don’t forget you’re “blackinese” and therefore, susceptible to sun damage!)


Kudos to the sound / editing crew at CBS for all the wonderful soundtracks this summer. All the violin music, sound effects, dramatic overtures, they’ve all been great! ESPECIALLY that Nickelodeon-wanna-be sound when we saw the “CHAOSSEROLE!!!” Brilliant! Loved it! Made me want to enter that house for one more food competition! Not!


Could the HGs have been anymore angry and cranky during the Have Not Competition?! Kevin calling Lydia “barky” and “butchy” was superb. A++ to Kevin.


Jeff and Jordan are ADORABLE. I feel like a broken record. Sigh. Reminds me of my old records…my fav being “Wham!” with “Wake me up before you go-go…” I miss records. I WILL miss J & J's wedding tho when it happens. I would be happy for them but couldnt' bear to watch!


I am SO SO SO happy that Michele won. I can’t believe Natalie was trying to tell her who to “forgive” or not. Puh-lease, keep walking with that testosterone Natalie, nobody wants to hear it here.


Um Chima’s “You do what you want” to Michele? Yes. Exactly. And then she breaks out with a menacing “You’ve been forewarned…” to Michele? Are you kidding me?! Chima meant “forehead” right?! “You’ve been forehead?!”



NOMINATION CEREMONY: The order Michele goes in is totally personal which I found so ironic given her speech. I mean, the order in which the keys are pulled is VERY telling. INTENSE. That Ceremony was crazy stressful! One of the better ones I think.


Sigh…Russell carried the Nomination Box back for Michele. HAWT. You have no idea how heavy that friggin’ thing is. But he didn’t think twice to carry it for her so she could walk off like the lab technician she is. Right. And I’m just okay in bed.


PS: There is no racist version of the Chima Review to be found! For more on my thoughts surrounding last week’s “racist” accusations, you can check out my personal blog. Thank you to everyone who is supportive. It will take a HECK of a lot more to “scare” me away from anything tho. Ask my lawyer. Teehee.






Permalink







27 Comments:

Blogger patti said...

Good Morning Jun. Thanks for the laughs today, needed that.

Please can you direct us to your personal blog? I would love to read it.

Cannot WAIT to hear what you think of tonight's show. Take notes. :)

Hugs!!! xoxo

August 18, 2009 at 6:09 AM  
Blogger Pamela said...

Jun, I loved everthing you said. Banana's, cucumbers, popcicles. Now that is all thats on my mind,
and everytime I look at Jeff..oh my.

Your thoughts on everyone is so right on.

And the toast was the highlight of the show. I almost spit my teeth out...jk..hehe

It is safe for me to drink my coffee now.

Iloved the post.

Pamela

August 18, 2009 at 6:14 AM  
Blogger Lucky13 said...

Jun,

Thought I could Google your blog. So I'm with Patti.... will you please direct us?

August 18, 2009 at 6:25 AM  
Blogger ǝuoʎuɐzǝɥʇ said...

Jun, I love you. Just so you know.

And I think I've said more things that could be considered racist that what Jun has -never- even come close to in any of her "songs" on here. And I am usually the first one offened by such things. SO there, all of you meanies!! Mess with Jun and I will SIT ON YOU.

OK, I gotta get to work...it's dead around here, though.

LOVE to you all!!!

August 18, 2009 at 6:25 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Reposted for Lucky13 (per #7)

Good morning Jun,

I've read your BBDish blogs before, but this is the first time I was overwhelmingly (?) compelled to respond.

I love, Love, LOVE this! Especially the Chima comments, the Lydia comment and of course ALL the Jeff love!

Keep up the good work! Now I'm off to check out your personal blog.

Good morning Carolyn and BBDish Chicks and Chucks!!

Have a nice day!

August 18, 2009 at 6:34 AM  
Blogger Julius said...

A classic summary of Sunday's show!!! On point without offending anyone, unless of course you were crying over Jessie's "death"!!!

Thank You, Jun, for the writing and sharing!!! Thank You, Carolyn, for posting here!!! You guys ROCK!!!

August 18, 2009 at 6:47 AM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Reposted for Minta, per #7


~minta~ said...
FAB-u-loooous ((( read singing =)
review......i agreed with it all.

have to say...we will never get the real exit dish on Chima.....left..fired...who knows =(

i do luv kevin ...he is so sweet ...with his redonkulous face in the diary room.....lol

CAN NOT wait til tonite .....& yes...please direct us to your personal blog.....if its anything like this review ? i would luv to read it ....

toodles...

August 18, 2009 at 6:50 AM  
Blogger Lucky13 said...

Thanks Carolyn! Knew it was borderline, but remembered Russell saying it. Just gave me a little chuckle.

August 18, 2009 at 6:51 AM  
Blogger Michelle in Indiana said...

Jun, Bravo!

August 18, 2009 at 6:52 AM  
Blogger Stephen Ritchie said...

Oh darn, and I was looking forward to the racist version!

Great as usual Jun! My boyfriend was getting ready and I read the "Dae Yum Yum whore" part and literally started convulsing and then when he asked me what was so funny, I told him and he was like "I don't get it." I literally said, "Thats because you are an idiot" and we are now fighting. But we are going to see Wicked tonight so that should mend the fences. hahahaha!

Carolyn: I have a feeling today and tomorrow are gonna be crazy on the feeds. I am tempted to send you an adderall prescription to make your life a hell of a lot easier! haha!

August 18, 2009 at 6:53 AM  
Blogger Lucky13 said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

August 18, 2009 at 6:54 AM  
Blogger Stephen Ritchie said...

To people looking for Jun's blog... just click her picture and there are two choices. One is the dish and the other is her site. Click that one and you are off to never never land! :-)

August 18, 2009 at 6:55 AM  
Blogger ScottinMiami said...

Jordan's voice has become as irritating as Chima's laugh. Worse, she can't stop talking and is ruining Jeff's game. She needs to go. Jeff is dead meat. I see F2 as Kevin and Michele. Tough vote for all, including America's vote.

August 18, 2009 at 7:01 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Just LOVE ya Jun!!!!

August 18, 2009 at 7:25 AM  
Blogger stephl said...

excellent observations!!!

jun...your blog is a breath of fresh air every week! i just love your sarcastic take on the happenings!!!

(and, no, i am not being sarcastic saying that :-))

August 18, 2009 at 7:27 AM  
Blogger Toni said...

Jun,

I am hysterical laughing and people walking by my office are whispering that I have officially gone crazy...it was just speculation before, now they are sure...thanks! :P

I mean, wow! Can what you wrote this week EVER be beat?! I highly doubt it!

AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME!!

Oh, I want the link to your blog too, but that will have to wait until I am at home!

August 18, 2009 at 7:33 AM  
OpenID MattitudeV1oh said...

I hear about how women have "evolved" on Big Brother, Jun. Chima/Lydia/Natalie almost made me see my tai chicken in reverse.

You must have been in a complete coma watching season 6 when the harem cried over Cappy's departure.

August 18, 2009 at 7:35 AM  
Blogger JulieB said...

Jun - you know I think you are FIERCE! and Fabulous! :)

Now I can go get a coffee....see I'm learning! LOL

August 18, 2009 at 7:39 AM  
OpenID AnGeLxOxBaBy said...

Can someone pretty please post the link or address or Jun's personal blog? It would be much appriciated!!!!

August 18, 2009 at 7:52 AM  
Blogger JulieB said...

I was surfing some food blogs I subscribe to and saw this pic for a Korean Kimchee Pancake.

Since I know how fond a lot of you are for kimchee, I had to pass along the link :)

http://www.foodbuzz.com/recipes/1336784-korean-kimchee-pancake

Now don't say I wasn't thinking of you!!

August 18, 2009 at 7:58 AM  
Blogger Maria said...

Thank you, Jun!!!! LOVE your comments!!

August 18, 2009 at 8:05 AM  
Blogger GaYToR said...

I did it! I set the cola, food and cigarettes far away from the desk, but I still got my keyboard wet with drool.

"Jeff satiates the kid in me NOW. His “I think we’re getting paranoid” to Russell made me love him even more. As cool as a cucumber he is. As nourishing as a banana he is. As refreshing as a popsicle…etc., etc., etc."

Jun I never know what to expect from you. Well, I do, But you always manage to exceed my expectations.

I'd love to see a complete list of all your favorite phallic-like foods.

I close again this time as I seem to do every time.

You Sooooooooooo Nasty!

^Ä^

August 18, 2009 at 8:42 AM  
Blogger Genie Sea said...

Oh Em Gee Jun! You're so deliciously cruel-la! :)

August 18, 2009 at 8:42 AM  
Blogger Michelle in Indiana said...

Julius, I was crying when I watched the Jessie memorial service....because I was laughing so hard.

August 18, 2009 at 8:51 AM  
Blogger JulieB said...

Stephen, I darn near spewed my coffee AGAIN because of you!!

Carolyn, dear, who needs a prescription for adderall, I have it at home!! :)

Funny story, that just happened yesterday!! My son will be starting his apprenticeship for pipefitting sometime this week so lots of testing, drugs, alcohol, etc,etc,etc.

I told him to take his meds with him when he did the pee test...did he, of course not, he's a guy!! So the office called last night because of course he tested positive for amphetamines!!!

He had to go to the pharmacy and get them to fax that he's on legal drugs not illegal ones.

I laughed so hard....and told him, see sometimes Mom isn't stupid! Could have avoided all this hassle. hahahahaha

August 18, 2009 at 8:55 AM  
Blogger LisaH said...

Thank-you Jun, I can hardly wait for your blog about tonights show!
You nailed this one! LOL, I was even eating cookies while watching :)
Where are the meaner versions on Chima? LOL

August 18, 2009 at 10:22 AM  
Blogger indigoprince said...

Hey Jun,

I love how your blogs get longer and longer. It is so exciting to scroll down and down and down only to have more awesome things to read and laugh at. You are such a great typorater (typer who knows how to phrase things well) Far better than Ronnie *rolls eyes*

Your song about oreos was priceless.

I agree about Jeff and referring to him like and oreo. And don't you think that oreos have got smaller? I had one last night and it looks like they are the size of a penny. But I digress.

Great blog as usual and thanks for the little blurb in your last one where you mentioned me.

I think that was my 15 minutes of fame :)

August 18, 2009 at 2:29 PM  

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