YO HO HO and A Bottle of Chen

I'm tired of waiting on the Have-Have Not Comp!!! It's been over 2 hours, and we've got fresh goodies for you!! Like... BB4 Winner Jun Song's new blog!!! Here she is!

Welcome to the Big Brother House Jordan. This is what you signed up for. Not the prettiest place is it?

Stolen from http://bb11dish.com
I thought the “Super Alliance” consisted of the Athletes, Brains and Boobs?!

For a live show it started out a bit weak, but my attention was at attention with Chima’s speech.

With all the censoring (thank goodness for the 10-sec delay), I’m not quite sure exactly everything she said. But I got the gist. And then I read up to be prepared for this piece.

I can’t believe that Chima went there. Talk about trashy tv tho!

Stolen from http://bb11dish.com
With all this hoopla over Chima’s speech, haven’t we forgotten another detail?! CBS doesn’t mess up often, but someone forgot to program “emotion” into the Chenbot. She didn’t flinch or blink or miss a beat. Good hosting. And why was “Chima’s” name bleeped out when Chenbot reminded us who was on the block?!Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

That’s about it. After seeing her in all her prego glory last night I don’t have the heart to rip the Chenbot on anything. I am always happy for those knocked-up. I seriously must have grown a soft spot for her during my last menstrual cycle (must have it extracted after she pops the little one out).

Onto game:

RUSSELL: Hypothetically is playing a great game. He’s got this. He knows the game. But he needs to do less. Less is more sometimes. Except on live shows. He soooo looked like a stripper last night. Ahem, “Love Muscle” might just be his stage name when he dances. I’m-a-gonna hire him for my grandma’s birthday bash. She’s so loopy she will probably think he’s her super and point him to the leak in the faucet. Oh grandma.Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

BRADEN: Um, for the rest of her life Lydia’s “not going to be able to sleep at night?” Nah. It’s not that serious. Trust me. She’ll sleep just fine. NOW, whether or not she’s “just a bitch. And a friggin’ skank“? That’s debatable. Did he really throw his drink at Kevin?! And did Kevin LET him?

LYDIA: Darling, it was nice to see you all fired up and defending Kevin against Braden. But when Braden tells you Russell spilled the beans on your ass, shouldn’t you take a moment to reflect? And why are you picking on Jordan? Because you can? “Why didn’t you cry for me?!” Um, because you were busy doing all the crying dear.

BEST QUOTE of the night goes to Jordan: “Oh haaaail no.” Can anyone say meltdown? I heard the fire department dropped by the BB House what with all the smoke coming out of Jordan’s head while she thought through how to save Braden. I have to say though I’m proud of her and Laura for getting on the campaign trail. They put Palin to shame.

Confession (Skip to the next line if TMI’s not your cup of tea): I creamed my panties when Jeff walked into protect Jordan. Like hotness!Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

MICHELE: Again, not much on her on the actual show. But did anyone else laugh their balls off when she was just walking around aimlessly during the whole Lydia / Jordan blow-up? HAHAHA. Avoiding landmines left and right!

FASHION SPOTLIGHT:
1. Yeah, so WTF was Braden wearing last night?! I have BEEN in / outside that house, and there is no good reason for that jacket he was sporting. Like, seriously? I thought chicks in nyc wearing their Uggs around was bad enough. I have to tune in and see Braden wearing my dad’s jacket?! At least my dad was rocking smokey glasses and giving the peace sign back then!
2. KEVIN! Wha’ happened?! TRAIN WRECK TRAIN WRECK tonight!
3. Loved Jordan’s dress. And her vote.Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

“A vote for Braden is a vote for a bigot and misogynist. “

Well, a vote for ANYONE is a vote against philanthropists in that house.

The goodbye messages were awesome. At least Kevin and Lydia don’t hold back. I only left one or two “nasty” goodbyes, sometimes you just can’t help it!Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

It was really interesting watching who cut whom in the HOH competition. True colors surfaced…and I forgave Laura for a minute for stretching the sh*t out of her skin to put those babies in. But just for a minute.

Drumroll…Ronnie wins HOH. THIS is why BB is great…and THIS is why HOH competitions are always great…you just NEVER KNOW who will be making those nominations :). Remember my season where there was a power flip week to week? Meanwhile, I just ate my way through the summer until it was time for a win. Sigh…the memories…screw expecting the unexpected, I love expecting the worst!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!

PS: My attempt to EDUMIFY YOU: Ho and Whore are the same thing. And I quote:

“Ho" comes from the Southern pronunciation of the word "whore." And over the years, the word has stretched to fit most things you could say against a woman--or anyone. Sightings include "ho" (ugly woman), "ho-bitch" (dislikable woman) and "hobeast" (almost likeable, but too much of a wannabe slut). Not to mention "garden tool.”Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

Pictured in this blog? A serious hoe. But what else would we cultivate all the BB grass with? Now, has anyone seen the Big Brother Hoe?Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

PPS: I'm not gonna lie. I'd like to be Julie for a day. There, I said it.

♦Permalink

Oh Children, Behave!

Here we go, Dishers!! Big Brother 4 Winner Jun Song's Exclusive BBDish Blog on the Tuesday CBS broadcast of Big Brother 11. Enjoy! And when you're commenting, please feel free to speak directly to Jun and not about her... This is her post, after all. I'm just sticking my nose in to do the little intro.

I am going to preface this by telling you all that I am super hormonal and after actually crying, yes well tearing up a lot, watching The Bachelorette last night (missed it on Monday because I was ringer at my brother’s bowling league, yeah such versatility in my life HA) I might have a few more choice words for some of our HGs.

I thought it might be harder to watch BB knowing everything going on before they happen but I’ve realized that it doesn’t really matter.

Interesting isn’t it? Thoughts?

Because I have been sharing, I’ll let you know that I did order in dinner again…and it will probably be that last time. Fool me once, shame on you…fool me twice shame on me. The POV competition turned my stomach last night I couldn’t even finish eating!

JEFF: It’s NEVER good not to know what’s going on. And it sucks that in this house who you hang out with is more important than you who you don’t hang out with. Wait. It’s one or the other isn’t it? HAHA. You get my drift. But honestly, why would Jeff pigeon-hole himself to just the athletes? We all know though that Russell is not a fan of this.

Man, this game was made for Russell, he’s just taking the theme CBS handed him and running with it…with a handoff of the baton to Jessie here and there. Are Russell and Jessie bullies? Yes. Does it make me want to run to Jeff’s rescue and um, give him a hand(job)? Yes. I’m not condoning the things Jeff has said / done…I’m not saying I want him to be my baby daddy…a handjob does not a love connection make.

But we thought this blowup was bad? I can’t wait to see Jessie and Russell come time to ditch each other! I’ve never seen two love muscles go at it. Wait, yes I have. I’m starting to sweat in anticipation!

RUSSELL: Doesn’t think this is band camp? Um, I beg to differ. There’s gonna be a lot of skin flute being played this summer…and if Jessie keeps this up, a lot of fingering too…you know, sheet music and stuff. Russell tells us in the diary room that Braden is personable and has a charming smile, etc., and I’m thinking who died and made Russsell , Andy Rooney?

Wait, Andy Rooney is still alive right? I just watched an amazing story (not) on fruit last Sunday (only because it ate into BB for like 12 minutes!) Good ole Rooney made a b*tch want to name 27 fruits off the top of her head after watching that eh? HA!

And I’d like to take this time out to say : I am loving the stubble Russell is rocking?! I’m not a huge fan of stubble burn, but his looks like it’s been grown out enough that it wouldn’t hurt that much. I’m Asian. Me so sensitive you knoh? He is being SUCH a bully though. I don’t like how he started that whole blow-up with Jeff, at least on television (don’t jump on me, but if that’s how the whole thing started and it does seem to be, then I am more on Jeff’s side as far as the cause for all the mayhem).Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

LYDIA: After being nominated, oh the tears. It hurts doesn’t it? But then ohhhh, she confronts Natalie after being duped by Russell…I don’t get why Jessie and Natalie didn’t figure out that Russell threw them under the bus? Good lord though, Lydia she gets away with murder (meaning her makeup and wardrobe, etc.) because I actually LIKED her eye schmear at the POV Ceremony! I won’t be trying that though…I’ll just end up looking like I got my head rammed into my pillow during some morning sex. Sigh…they must be saving Lydia and Jessies tent-pitching for the live show.Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

CHIMA: “That’s all I can do” she says after nominations. Um, hello?! You shouldn’t have volunteered yourself! Not that the “pawn” scheme was entirely in her power, but still, if someone says “I’m gonna put you up on the block, but just for show” I’d be like “Thank you but no thank you.”. I do like the hats she was sporting last nigiht though. Well, not both (that cowboy hat was questionable)…maybe not either, but it’s what the hats actually DID for her…forehead. And then, her “OMG, is that my high school picture?!” referring the huge zit-face during POV made me wonder if her forehead had been a normal size back then? I’m sorry. I’m just never going to let the forehead thing go…unless something else even bigger (no pun intended) comes up. Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

RONNIE: The storage room scene with him and Chima cracked me up. Persuasive speaking, Ronnie? Really? Good luck with that. Haha! He thinks Russell is a loose cannon (which means the other HGs KNEW the way Russell came at Jeff was wrong, but they were all too chicken sh*t / in shock to do anything at the time).

Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie…playing a daaaangerous game. You need to keep information to yourself for the most part in the BB house, and think very carefully about what you do share. I remember the night before Nathan was supposed to be booted in my season…I chose that evening to cement his departure by giving him come choice info about Ali. Sure, he confronted me…but I kept super cool (to the point where I thought my heart would beat straight out of my chest) and in the end of it all turned it around so the beef was between Nathan and Justin (and his stooges).

Ronnie might think he’s got some skills in persuasion, but he certainly has NO poker face. When Russell confronted him in the storage room, Ronnie’s adam’s apple was bobbing up and down so fast it reminded me of the time I let my junior high school crush John D’Agostino feel up my boobs for the first time.

Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

Ronnie was he was so scared of Russell! And then watching him follow Russell and Jessie around like a lost tourist in Times Square?! He looked like a dead man walking.Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

LAURA: Please, STFU. I loved loved loved Casey’s straight-faced diary room tidbit regarding Laura: “You can help it, you chose to get implants”. HAHA. But like Casey said, you got a key biatch. I mean, really? Did the new boobs STILL not instill some confidence in yourself as a person? Oh yeah, I forgot. It’s the boobs. Right. Over it.

Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

I can’t even begin to express my annoyance with that whole speech she gave…boo-f*cking-hoo. Little does she know that she could be in the worst of positions or the best of positions post-nominations. She doesn’t even get it until Russell has to approach her about it.

Hmmmm, I think I’ve figured out who she reminds me of…a cross between - and no offense to the ladies I’m about to name- Unitard Jen (Season 8), Lisa D. (Season 3 Winner) and…and…Octomom (picture included, striking similarities eh?)!!Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

Laura’s a tool for sure…and what was up with her getting all cocky when Russell and Jessie recruited her? Oh, she knows the game very very well? Ah yes, and boobs are the key to the game. Yes. ..that’s why there have only been 3 proud boob-donning winners of BB. Well, 3 and a half…Adam (Season 9) kinda had boobs right?

I laughed so hard listening to Russell: “Laura’s shook…she could be ours.” You know. Before Jessie entered the house I dismissed Russell because he’s just too big for my taste. But post-Jessie’s arrival? Russell looks TOTALLY manageable! “Go scoop Laura up now,” Jessie said. I didn’t realize he meant LITERALLY, haha.Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

Stolen from http://bb11dish.com
CASEY: LOVE HIM still. At least for the all the snark that comes from him. He thinks “Braden’s an airheaded pretty face guy thingie.” Maybe what he doesn’t know, is that Braden HAS a weird looking thingie (at least when flaccid)…I know this only because I was forced to check out a picture of it. Okay, I wasn’t forced, but I wasn’t happy about it. I won’t share it here but if you ask nicely and Carolyn allows me, I’ll share the link.

But yeah, ew. It’s like that time I was getting hot and heavy with someone and so excited to GET IT and then when I FELT IT I wondered where the rest of it was. Not happy. He shall remain anonymous…but my girlfriends and I do refer to him as “C****** Little Dick.” I digress. I’ve taken up the majority of this with sh*t having nothing to do with Casey. But don’t forget I’m hormonal!Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

BRADEN: Everyone’s got an opinion on this kid. Ronnie thinks he’s from Planet Klaktu? Is that what he said? Damn him for making me waste time on Google to try to figure that on out. I’m at a loss. But I kinda have to admit, Braden’s not as bad as I thought he’d be, come week 2. The “Give Lydia a kiss” was so cute! He cracked me up with his narration during the POV Ceremony, he was definitely FREAKING OUT when he got put up in place of Lydia, despite his monotone monologue. Sorry for the double “monos” to all the editors out there, but I couldn’t think of anyone else.

Speaking of monotone…remember Kevin Costner’s narration during Dances With Wolves back in the day? I wanted to slit my wrists (not really, I love myself too much…and before I get sh*t for that comment, yes I have had people close to me try to take their own lives so simma’ down out there) listening to his dull voice, but I got used to it by the end. Poor Braden, I think he threw on his shades so we wouldn’t see the tears welling up.

And now…onto..the POV Competition:

When Jessie chose Casey to DJ, I mean, host the competition, all I had in my head was ♫ “Hey Mr. DJ, put a record on, I wanna dance with my baby…” ♫

Um, someone send Lydia the memo that it’s never “her and me” or “him and me” against each other in POV. It’s whatever the majority wants…so it’s really “them and me.”

I’m wondering why didn’t CBS get “Proactiv” in on this competition? Oh right. Maybe because they make enough money anyway all summer (and only give away $500K to the winner?!)?
That’s it. Seriously. I’m never ordering take-out in anticipation of my guilty pleasure (BB if you don’t get it) ever again.

This was so gross. Pop Goes the Veto?!?! Ewwww! And did Chima really say “..having the expansive forehead that I do?” Wait, no. I just watched it again. She said expansive vocaaaabulary. Phew. I thought I was going to have to give her props for recognizing what she sees in the mirror. Never mind. I can continue to harp.

Grossest POV ever: $26 (My not finishing my dinner)

Kevin ‘s repeated “Oh my god” when pimples started erupting: PRICELESS

I’m not going to spend much time here since we all know the POV Ceremony was way more important than what happened during the competition. Although I was waiting to see what Jessie actually ended up spelling out, and I was not disappointed…Jessie provides so many opportunities to laugh at / with/ around him CONTINOUSLY. HAHA

Stolen from http://bb11dish.com
I do wonder if Natalie threw the competition with “LAST,” but I can’t blame her. Aside from that, her argument with Jeff following Russell’s meltdown was the only other action we saw from her really. There is NOTHING GOOD that comes from blowups on this show.

So what if Jeff can’t spell. He warned us. And Russell says Jeff is as useful as a bag of marbles. But for the record, I use marbles to sink fresh flowers into when I put them in a vase, so I don’t know what Russell’s talking about. They come in pretty handy in my opinion. If you don’t believe me, watch My Fair Lady…they’re great for sticking them in your mouth to practice enunciating more clearly. HA.

QUOTE OF THE SHOW goes to Lydia “I had spew on my face” And she wasn’t talking about Jessie’s you dirty minded bloggers. HA.

And did Laura really run right up to the HOH room after the competition? Idiot.Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

I wish we had had more Kevin and Michele on the show last night…but I’m satisfied with Jordan’s 2 minutes of airtime…

Sigh…I’m gonna go relax in a bubble bath and hope my mood swing passes…speaking of which, and this is for the ladies: Isn’t it annoying when you’re in the hot bubble bath but the tops of your boobs remain cold? I need a solution…without drowning myself…

♦Permalink

SUCKARAMA (Casey said it not me)

Dishers, it's time for BB4 Champ Jun Song's 2nd blog with BBDish! :) We're very fortunate to have her blogging with us here on bbdish about all the episodes that air on CBS this season. When you're commenting, you can address her directly. ;) And here she is!

Was it just me or was this episode boring?

Or as my mom so say “Dis sooo the boh-reeng, you knoh ?”

I realize the “good” stuff will probably be aired on Tuesday before the eviction, but why wouldn’t they give us even a snippet of the catfights?!

Stolen from http://bb11dish.com
KEVIN: I have to say I do love Kevin. He reminds me of so many of my friends. He had so many one-liners that had me cracking up, but the clincher for me was when he was crying about how he had nothing in common with Jessie and broke out with: “I haven’t been to the gym in 10 years.” Ha, loved it. Admit it, it struck a chord with more than one of you. I know I let out an “AMEN” considering the only workouts my ass gets come with several cries for God and “Yes, right there, do it!”Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

JESSIE: For all intents and purposes, Jessie is a nice guy. And I say this because he and I emailed back and forth a few times and what you see is what you get with him, at least he’s consistent. Anyone can step forward at this point and argue my point. But Jessie had me CRACKING ME UP in his first diary room of the episode. He also cracked me up when he said he sees his attributes in Natalie. It made me wonder if he knew what “attribute” meant…because it doesn’t mean his penis you know what I’m saying?

I have included a picture of my best Jessie impersonation…yes, I am a Patriots fan…and didn’t think when I took the picture that it would ever end up on a BB blog, haha. Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

NATALIE: What’s worse is that the girl thinks Jessie knows the ropes…um, yes sweety, he often uses it to hang himself. They’re cute though, and probably are perfect for each other (insert grain of salt here). Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

Ahhhh…the new HOH room, how far they have come since Season 4. We were just happy to have a basket from home and a door to lock back in the day…but Kevin, darling “Asian-y?!” Really? Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

RONNIE: Was sporting a new hairstyle for part of the show, very Alfalfa…very DORK-appropriate. It’s funny. I remember bringing in a dozen or so t-shirts into the house with print on them like “High Maintenance” and “Boys Make Great Pets” because I knew it would perpetuate whatever “type” I had been cast as…and I’ll admit it, I didn’t mind having eyes on my chest. Wait, I still don’t…HA! Ronnie needs to be careful though that he doesn’t over-play his hand too early a la Brian (Season 10) because it’s just not necessary. Especially with Jessie running around in those horrendous tights. Did he bring that hot pink atrocity with him or was it given to him? Either way, there must be a few more screws loose in the kid’s head to actually put those on!

RUSSELL: Russell thinks he’s the same person as Jessie. Of course he does. Of course he would. Because all those love muscles are essentially the same person right? Not. Whatevs.

CHIMA: She looked less shiny today. But I think she’s hiding something in her hair. Maybe there’s a fetus stuck to the back of her head? I gagged when Casey called her a princess . I mean, I know what he was getting at, but princess my ass Casey, she’s more like Queen Chima. Drag Queen Chima. And the bitching after losing the competition? She should feel lucky that the paint was glow in the dark and camouflaged the glow on her forehead. Seriously. And what “lifestyle” is this that she talks of? Half her time is probably spent picking out her weaves at some bootleg beauty supply shop. Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

You know, I was munching on French fries (extra ketchup) when the Have and Have Not Competition was going on, and I literally choked on a fry after hearing Casey yell “Put it in!” to Kevin. Seriously, classic moment in BB…taking comments out of context isn’t just enjoyable for the producers, I love doing it! I thought Exile Island was bad…it’s really stressful as it is being in that house, but when you’re further messed with and have your bed taken away and hot water taken away? Misery…but you suck it up…you have to suck a lot of shit up…unless you are purposely putting on a show. But Chima wasn’t, dumbass. And why did she seem to know so much about what went on inside insane asylums? Hello!

I KNOW it was not lost on all of you all the naughty references part of the Competition…”ecstasy” and “bad trip”, hahaha. I appreciate that kind of stuff…go crew at CBS, getting more creative this year! ALTHOUGH, I’m gonna say it…that competition has been done before…specifically during my season. We had to don Dickies and pretend to be “plumbers” during a food competition. That’s all right though, I get it. Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

BRADEN: “Right part, right pipe…it’s like physics.” Hmmmmm…I gotta think about that one. Not much on him this episode. He might be growing on me?

JORDAN: Boring me. Apparently if somebody smells, Jordan doesn’t pick on ‘em. I would. But that’s not the point. She will eat those words later…because she likes using the word “fag” doesn’t she? Well that’s good to know…maybe if you’re a “smelly fag” she doesn’t mind. And what was up with her brain farts during the Have / Have Not Competition? Are you telling me she didn’t understand Braden when he was yelling out angles? He WAS speaking English darling! I guess she needed him to yell out Missionary for 180 degrees, Doggie Style for 90 degrees and Reverse Cowgirl for 45 degrees (I say Reverse Cowgirl because there might be some ankle-holding involved).

LAURA: OMG, Laura’s attempts at making eye contact with Jessie had me rolling on the floor. Eye-f*cking Jessie is out of the question when he won’t even meet your eyes eh girl? Maybe you should try milking your left breast and offering it up to the jock, soy is even better.
So…the Nomination Ceremony…it’s always fun when you know you’re safe. It SUCKS if you think you’re at risk. Like big time. Just because, it’s human nature to want to be liked and included. What was up with all the “Thank you Jessie” ass-kissing? Ugh.

But I actually liked Jessie’s speech. Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

AND, at this point in the BB timeline, the word “pawn” should be done away with. You’re a nominee, that’s all, end of story. There is not Power of Pawn competition…just a 50-50 chance that your ass goes home. End of story. Stolen from http://bb11dish.com

Sigh…Tuesday is just around the corner…Lydia is safe, that’s all I care about. I do enjoy her.

♦Permalink