Menace to BB Society by Jun Song

Good Morning, BB Lovers!! Happy Live Show Day!!

While I get crackin' on The Overnight Report™, it's time to get your laugh on with BB4 winner Jun Song's exclusive BBDish blog about the Tuesday CBS broadcast of Big Brother 11.

Enjoy!! Take it away, Jun! Sing us your song. ;p

by Jun Song

So, back in 2003, I had to fill out what seemed like an encyclopedia of an application.

When asked “What is your motto?”

I answered “What goes around really does come right back around.”

Back to present day. I still believe it. If you are a facebook user you will see my quote is "What goes around definitely comes right back around, seriously." My point? It’s woven all over the place into this blog.

Enough ConfuJunism. Onto the Tuesday night show talk.

FACT: A friendship with Chima is not worth $500K according to Michele. Is there anyone out there who will start the bid at $500K then?! Going…going…

FICTION: Chima “left” the game on her own accord.

WHAT?! Expelled? Ahem. Chima was expelled?! Yes. I see.

I love that CBS not only put it out there, but they BACKED IT UP. We ALL know that Chima’s next move would have been to say she “planned” her “voluntary departure” by throwing her microphone in the water (clear violation of contract).

So CBS shows footage from four other days during the course of the season to show this isn’t the first time Chima’s broken the rules. And apparently, they’re okay with showing that they ALLOWED her to break them? Hmmm, okay.

BTW, did you guys catch the 60 Minutes on Sunday with Chris Martin? Remember he shows us Coldplay’s list of rules and says “The rules are important”?! Sigh. He’s so smart. He totally called it, even if he didn’t know it.

Anywho, not to digress. Chima can’t say she had “planned” her exit with all her antics either. I mean, really? You went into this thinking you were going to “threaten” a broadcasting system that’s existed since 1928?! No. Exactly.

Boy was someone high on the food chain pissed off about this one. We got to see Chima finally enter the Diary Room only to be told to use the door and get the f*ck out. Ouch. Yum. That was delish.

Dear Chima,

If you wanted to go down in infamy, you could have at least had a piece of Russell and quenched all our thirsts for what that would be like. Even a morsel…a nibble, a suckle…ANYTHING. Damn you woman! You couldn’t let us live vicariously?!

This show is entertaining and all, but when you walk in that BB door you have to say buh-bye to many basic rights. I don’t think Chima is capable of this…sure for a few weeks. And I don’t see her as a “sore” loser. I think Lydia’s a sore loser. I think Chima needs more time and healing from her horrendous experience (her brutal rape).

In anticipation of writing this next blog, I re-watched last week’s episode where Chima tells us all about it. Yes, I did. It made me rethink my take on her “expulsion” from the house.

I think she needs to start talking to someone. I’m not a fan of medicating an illness at first blush, but she should to start talking to someone. Losing control during a brutal rape then regaining it to the point of having such control issues is what probably drove her to madness in this game.

I hope she’s with her family and shutting out the world. At least for a while.

What a loser. Don’t jump all over me, you are technically a loser. Loser. So glad you got some reality knocked into you. Take it and run with it. I will watch you on the next Charm School for “The Girls of Big Brother.” I promise. Take a break and we’ll see you in the fall.

FACT: 99% of the loudspeaker messages in the BB house are recorded. This is, as my mom would call it, a “neh-suss-suh-rhee” (necessary) evil. There’s no human that would be able to repeat “Chima, please put on your microphone” in a steady tone of voice with all her antics. (Btw, there is no “v” in Korean so my mom also butchers “evil.” Ah, what fun.)

FICTION: Allison Grodner does not have tons of free time (therefore, the fact that she had to take time out of her full life to come talk to Chima is, as Kevin would say, REdonkulous!!

FACT: Team Spunk has lost all sense of reality. Or they’ve got Early-Onset Alzheimer’s (relax, my grandpops is a sufferer). Um, the roles are merely reversed and they can’t seem to handle the pain! Kevin is so sad. He makes me sad too because it’s so genuine. I would be sad if my chances at being in a majority group died. Chima totally screwed them.

FICTION: Team Spunk has the potential to come back and redeem themselves. Oh, and Chima did a great job representing strong women.

I wanted to throw something at my television watching that Natalie / Lydia / Kevin Debate of Big Brother 2009. It was entertaining to watch, but I felt like I was wasting precious seconds of my life that I could have used to make money.

NATALIE: I hope Natalie goes home and watches every second of footage of herself. Even if she doesn’t learn a major lesson, perhaps she’ll learn something. During the house meeting, she had the nerve to look PISSED that she was being taken off the block?! And then this creepy crawly smile found it’s way to her face. Oh, so after learning there’s an HOH and Michele can’t compete you’re all smiley smiles? Blech.

Poor Michele, her power and privileges were short-lived but at least she got “rid” of Chima right?

And I suppose, according to Natalie’s theory, this is where Michele is supposed to break all the rules and it be okay?

HOH Competition aka JEFF time: Um, Jeff looked delicious in his golf gear. He looked like a cajun ribeye with the bone in it. I always like working that bone to make sure I got the meat. NEVER leave protein unfinished.

As homage to my last blog…and to the 90 degree weather we’ve been having here in NY, I have transformed Jeff into a yummy popsicle. I will be taking orders soon, so you will have to act fast!

This man’s got skillz! Holes-in-one all over the place! I want Jeff to score my hole-in-one. He is F*CKING amazing. And most people might thing his “K-town!” was meant for Kevin, but it was actually meant for me. Koreatown!

OMG, AND he’s an ass-smacker! HELLO! I want one NOW, I don’t care how much shipping and delivery is. I know a good deal when I see one, and Jeff is it.

FACT: I am way into both Jeff and Russell.

FICTION: I want to MARRY both Jeff and Russell. No, no, no. On the contrary, I want Jeff to be my baby daddy / hubby and I want Russell to be my trainer / bodyguard / cabana boy / wrestling coach.

I am having images of Jordan joining in on my fun too…but I would probably gag her to start.

Um, LYDIA: Claiming America handed Jeff Coup de Crap power was kinda funny, but only long enough for me to swallow. This girl’s got lower tolerance for alcohol than I do, or she has a drinking problem. I wonder which CBS wants us to believe. Those must have been some potent mimosas because girlfriend got BELLIGERENT!

And I, for one, was happy she got the Super Hero Unitard. I think she is the only one left in the house who could rock it as an outfit and not as a costume!

WTF happened during that HOH Competition? I was possessed by Cruella, she was possessed by Chima!

JORDAN: Poor baby Jordan got bullied by Lydia big time! She was called, EGADS, a “ho-puppet!” I mean, I get it. Lydia said Jordan’s a “ho” and she’s Jeff and Russell “puppet” therefore the math tell us that she’s a “ho-puppet.”

The important thing here is whether this alleged ho-puppet is a marionette or a muppet.

Because to me, a ho who’s a puppet is more a finger puppet than anything else. Then hell, I’m guilty too! Insert fingers and add vocals right? Haven’t we all been ho-puppets then? I know I enjoy being one.

Holy Volatility! Post-HOH Competition was insane! Michele was awesome, and for the first time she seemed alive!

I needed a diaper-change after Jeff yelled at Lydia to “Get comfortable. You ain’t going nowhere.” All he needed to do was yank out handcuffs from his back pocket and I would have put up a “Do Not Disturb” sign up on my door. As a matter of fact, I am going to look for fresh batteries now in preparation for the Live Show. Come on Jeff, do it for mama.

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