Jessie, Preparation H Will Take Care of Itby Jun Song

Hey BB Lovers!! It's time for BB4 winner Jun Song's exclusive BBDish Blog about the Sunday CBS broadcast of Big Brother 11, complete with a Cameo appearance from BB5 Will. Hi Will!! :) Dishers, I have to tell you, Jun's blog rocks! This one's my favorite yet! :) Enough of me. Here's Jun!!

by Jun Song
If you're not reading this on http://bb11dish.com, it's been plagiarized
My apologies in advance for being less-than-enthusiastic about last night’s episode. It just didn’t do justice to all the actual goings-on in the house. I really struggled with material for this piece, so I had to call on some old BB buddies to fill in for what CBS failed to deliver.
Cheeky bugger. This is a BBDish Exclusive!
My Will (Season 5) just about SLAYED ME with his facebook status update regarding last night’s episode and:

A. Has given me permission to quote him:


“I was just plagiarized on tonite's Big Brother by that jackhole Ronnie. "Let's not ask her to do any long division anytime soon" was my exact line about Holly. And I was quoted in Entertainment Weekly!! I need a copyright fee!!!!!”Cheeky bugger. This is a BBDish Exclusive!

Yes, that be a total of 7 exclamation points you see there from Mr. Fierce himself. He is PISSED. Ronnie’s a dead man.

B. He also said to me “and tell them all I send my love!!!!!!” And so yes, with 6 exclamation points, he is sending all the bbdishers his love! (PS: I gave the link too so hopefully he’ll pop in at some point!)Cheeky bugger. This is a BBDish Exclusive!

So…with snores and bores…onto talk about the Sunday Evening Show. Thank goodness I got in some weekend fun (aka booty), cuz I’d be hella pissed to know this show is what I had to look forward to as an ending to my weekend.

I kinda miss Laura. I definitely miss her more than Braden. I hope she’s “sitting in her living room” and watching her work to expose Ronnie count for nothing. Well not, nothing, but still less than what it cost Natalie to purchase her entire wardrobe?! I think Natalie should go straight from Big Brother to What Not To Wear!!!Cheeky bugger. This is a BBDish Exclusive!


KEVIN: His finger pointing “I caught you Ronnie” was just priceless. He was so heated it was so cute!

“Natalie’s into Jessie
Lydia’s into Jessie
Jessie’s into Jessie”Cheeky bugger. This is a BBDish Exclusive!

Jun’s into Kevin. I hope I can find him after the show and hang out. I want him to blog with me next summer, he and I would just RIP SH*T UP!


CASEY: He is looking more and more raggedy as the season progresses. He is reminding me a lot of those crackheads that hang out in front of halfway houses. I get that he’s a “hip” older guy, but if he starts busting out with some Vanilla Ice rhymes, I will cruciblog (I made this up right now and I have already fallen in love with it) him.

CHIMA: Don’t quote me yet, but I might be softening to her. Not because I want to, but because I give credit where credit is due. I’m starting to think she’s not evil, but just bipolar. The stress level of the house and her “insane in the membrane” condition must have gotten her off to a nasty start. We will see though. Diva my ass, she probably drives a Subaru…with dents in it.


RUSSELL: That attempt to “deal” with Ronnie is kinda weak. His conversation with him was so intense and hurried I felt like I was in junior high school again…you know, when boys had no game and tried to convince you that it was okay to feel each other up while feeling you up anyway while trying to convince you?!Cheeky bugger. This is a BBDish Exclusive!


LYDIA: I know originally I said I wanted Natalie and Chima to throw down, but heck, I’ll take Lydia and Natalie fo’ shizzle! “Awesome, cuz I was sitting there” HA. I find the co-dependency between Jessie and Natalie really disturbing…like, stomach-turning even.

It’s Jessie’s own doing really, and he’s let Natalie become a life-sized “blank”…you know, that really annoying that's always there and will need to be surgically removed, but it’s his own fault? Can you guess what I’m referring to? Clue: Lydia should take some Preparation-H to it soon hahaha. If you're not reading this on http://bb11dish.com, it's been plagiarized.

And Lydia’s hammock sharing session with Jessie was HILARIOUS. Props to the production crew for all the little sound effects to emphasize Jessie’s MDD (Male Deficit Disorder).


JESSIE: I stopped listening to his caterpillar / cocoon / butterfly metaphors after two seconds and instead chose to open up a bag of Cape Cod Salt & Vinegar Chips. I know. You’re gonna think I’m a fatass, but if you knew how much cardio I actually got this weekend (wink-wink) you’d be okay with me stuffing my face with this savory treat.


Jessie’s “It’s tough being me sometimes” was really touching. I know it must be hard for him what with all the sh*t he pumps into his body, it makes for super watery, ahem, finales. Trust me. I’ve had a body builder or two, and it’s like Niagara Falls in your mouth if you are caught by surprise. Fool me once, shame on me…Fool me twice, I asked for it. Holy Cow, I went there. Carolyn, please don’t edit this out, I swear I’ll find a way to clean it up but just don’t cut it altogether.If you're not reading this on http://bb11dish.com, it's been plagiarized


***lettting this one slide. take it away, anons. ;p gimme your best shot. Jun, remind me to tell you the, ahem, cure I found for that. ;) -C

If you're not reading this on http://bb11dish.com, it's been plagiarized
MICHELE: Darling girl, I love you to bits but your “game talk” with Jessie in the HOH room was the most awkward thing EVER. I’m sorry, did I say Jessie? I meant to say “Jessalie.” UGH. Poor Michele. Jessie compares her to a used car salesman, but she reminded me more of a clueless pageant girl nodding her head and hoping she got the right answer. Sigh.



JORDAN: Is impossibly adorable despite the fact that she’s been a Have Not longer than Natalie’s been wearing those grey sweats in the house. Wait, no. Natalie wins on this one.

I broke out into a cold sweat hearing Jessie during the Have Not Competition…I though Nathan (Season 4) had made a cameo. Do you guys KNOW that on top of losing all rights to his balls by being punked by Ali (and giving him her vote at the end, preventing me from a 7-0 win), he left me a SOCK FULL OF SPUNK in my bed on the day of his eviction?! HAHAHAHA. I was so disgusted but I guess it was original. I should have saved it and sent it in for testing. After all, he did swap spit with Yuck, Yucky-Yuck-Yuck, Yuckity-Yuckity-Yuckity, Yucky McYuckison…
If you're not reading this on http://bb11dish.com, it's been plagiarized

So, yeah, the competition looked pretty fun. I think I would have started ramming into people just for the heck of it and just blamed the goggles and foam, haha. Good for Jordan for avoiding the Have Not for a week, lord knows she didn’t really help herself did she? I kept waiting for her to tell us she only had “eleventeen” ice cubes in her cup.


RONNIE: Here’s a heaping hot steamy plate of STFU. After your pathetic display of strategy to-date, you’re really not at all allowed to disparage anyone else’s game play. As a matter of fact, just disappear for a few days and I’ll think about letting you back into my circle. Good for you for lucking out with Jessie’s win…people will probably forget about you for a bit and you’ll coast along a little later. I don’t hate the game, but I can hate the player. Like I said, I’ll get over it, I just need a few more days. But you need to seriously STFU. I don’t care how many times they call you into the diary room. If you don’t STFU I’m gonna take all my PMS symptoms out on you, and I’m not even at that time of month yet.
If you're not reading this on http://bb11dish.com, it's been plagiarized

Hey, I’m not gonna lie. I don’t mind me an occasional cocktail weenie. And not to be silly, but I rarely say no to any kind of sausage. Seriously, all kidding aside, I CANNOT live without sausage. Bacon’s great but sausage is what I can’t live without…polish, pilippino, links, patties, I don’t discriminate.



P.S.: The winner of last week’s “who said it” was Laura from NC! Laura dear, I will be sending you your prize + a lil' bonus in the mail!
If you're not reading this on http://bb11dish.com, it's been plagiarized


P.P.S.: Remember in the last blog I told you I’d be using The Love Muscle’s “Was I F*CKING talking to you?!” on someone, most likely my brother’s girlfriend? Well wouldn’t you know it, she ended up getting laid off this week so I didn’t have the heart to use it on her.



P.P.P.S.: For those of you who don’t know, Syn and I are at the start of a dishmance. Syn, please speak up and brand me publicly. I can’t carry this relationship on my own.

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