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Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Now THIS is Family TV!
by Jun Song

The moment you've all been waiting for.... Here's BB4 Winner Jun Song with her blog on the Tuesday CBS Broadcast Episode of Big Brother 11! When you're commenting on Jun's blog, please address her directly. :) She's here and she is a dishchick, after all! :)

Take it away, Jun!

by Jun Song

Hello to my fellow non-racists, non-misogynists, and non-homophobes.

I am thrilled and elated to be writing yet another blog. I will do my best to not personally attack any of the HGs, because this show we have come to love and have strong opinions about is really about spreading the love, isn’t it?

I am ready to spread some love. Oh, you have no idea how much I love to…

I am sorry for offending anyone not accustomed to my humor or writing style, or choice in pictorials. If it makes you feel any better, I poke some adult / jovial fun at nearly everyone/thing under the sun, including myself. I can start with myself if you’d like, but this blog isn’t about me…yet…

As a matter of fact, I’d like to take this opportunity to liken this show to one of my favorite childhood television shows – Little House on the Prairie. So I hope you all had your children, and other wise minors, around you to watch tonight’s episode together. Golly, you should go ahead and print out my blog for them to read and write an essay for school!

Charles Ingalls, played by: JEFF (Just because I want to see him in suspenders)

Caroline Ingalls, played by: JORDAN (Just a precious and feminine little soul, “Oh Charles!”)

Mary Ingalls, played by: MICHELE (The brainiac, but not my intent for the girl to go blind, egads!)

Laura Ingalls, played by: LAURA (Oh, this is working out lovely!)

Albert Ingalls: JESSIE (A troublemaker and scrapper, an also only had a recurring role, the way it should be)

Nels Olesen, played by: RONNIE (Ahhh…poor Nels)

Harriet Olesen, played by: CHIMA (Yes, why not? Gosh! )

Nellie Olesen, played by: LYDIA (I’m hoping this charming lady turns out okay like Nellie did)

Nancy Olesen, played by: NATALIE (Need I say more? Dead ringer! I’m sorry for using the word “dead.”)

Willie Olesen, played by: KEVIN (Little troublemaker, but harmless)

Reverend Alden: CASEY (Just because he’s used to leading an audience / congregation I guess)

Mr. Edwards, played by: RUSSELL (With his new facial scruff…this could work!)

Dr. Baker, played by: BRADEN (Poor Hiram Baker, remember that episode where he doesn’t get the girl because it’s Harriet’s niece?! Interesting…)

Sigh. Yes, I am so pleased that we have this epic family program to draw parallels to. Life is good.

LAURA: I am so humbled and so refreshed that this anatomically-enhanced young lady acknowledges that her nomination was her own fault. If only everyone could adopt this self-deprecating outlook on life, there would be so many roses along the streets to smell. Ahhhh. But she calls Ronnie a rat and a liar, and it’s rather unbecoming of the quality people CBS casts for Big Brother. I mean really? Uncalled for! She couldn’t call him a “strategic player” or a “savvy politician”?! I am so offended by her language!!

I’m not even going to go there with Laura’s “It s*cks” because repeating it would only make me as good as the person who said it originally. Oh, but Chima’s live show performance is different, I forget we’re supposed to excuse all her eccentricities because she’s experienced hardships no one else has on this earth. Duh, I am so clueless. I wonder if she’ll apologize to Julie at the next live show. Julie is just as human as Chima, mmm’kay?

JEFF: Uses the word “touché” in reaction to being nominated by Ronnie. Who needs Rosetta Stone when you’ve got Big Brother?! Sigh, I tell you, this is one of the more educational programs out there and we should be proud to be American. Yes, I’m a citizen, have been and am proud to be. If I ever get audited, at least I won’t be deported.

Tou·ché [ too sháy ], interjection (French)
1. acknowledgment of telling remark: a word used to acknowledge that somebody has made an especially witty, penetrating, or cogent remark, usually in retaliation AND/OR 2. acknowledgment of scoring hit: in fencing, a word used to acknowledge that an opponent has made a scoring hit

My heart was just wrenching watching Laura and Jordan cry. I never cried like that when Dana and I got put up during Season 4. Oh gosh, I must not have had a heart. I am so happy I am growing one slowly now, as a result of all the brave anonymous posters who pointed it out.

Did Jeff use the word “b*stard” to describe Ronnie?! Oh My-lanta (quoting GAYTOR who was saying it before Jessie was)! Before we get all in a tizzy though, I will have you know that the word “ba*stard” occurs in the King James Version of the Bible THREE times! So it MUST be okay!

Carry on Jeff, we don’t judge you or ANYONE in the BB house. Why would we judge anyone who bares everything on national television and gets paid for it? We should only judge our neighbors, coworkers and those girls who walk around in the summertime wearing BOOTS.

I really do wish though that he had used "illegitimate child" or even "child born out of wedlock." I hope all you sensitive people out there are okay. I care, you know? I also care that BB provided the HGs with such sharp scissors, I was alarmed at how haphazardly Jeff was trimming his hair!

FYI, I have started formulating a plan to pursue (I’m afraid to say “stalk” for fear those scary anon people might report me) Jeff in Chicago…My Prodigal Paul in Chicago (sorry, another shout-out) if you’re out there, you may see me in the fall lurking around building lobbies! If he treats me HALF as well as he treats Jordan, I’d be a very happy commitment-phobe. And I can tell time!!!

RUSSELL: He doesn’t give a “hoot” anymore apparently. Neither did Mr. Edwards…” Old Dan Tucker was a fine old man, washed his face in a fryin' pan, combed his head with a wagon wheel…” And woah, woah, woah, what’s with calling Ronnie a “moron?!” That is like the meanest thing EVER! Such a hurtful word in just five little letters. It’s a good thing he’s such eye candy, I will turn a blind eye to that one. Sigh…

CASEY: The Reverend Alden speaks the truth. If HGs want to have heated confrontations with one another then it allows you to continue to coast through the game. Although, when he refers to Chima as “the wicked witch of the west,” it bothers me. That sounded kinda racist. Can someone check on that?! Anons?

LYDIA: To pieces my heart went when Lydia was bawling to Ronnie... Especially when her tears dried up faster than a babywipe in the Sahara Desert. She couldn’t possibly be acting, could she? I refuse to believe this delicate angel would do any such thing, even if it IS a game of social dynamics. No, or my grandma would say “nohhhh” while shaking her head.

She did a SUPERB job hosting the POV Competition. I am happy all that ink on her body didn’t poison her ability to articulate what’s written on the cue cards. I think she should host the next Oscars! She’s so talented! Look, I am spreading more love! Age of Aquarius… ♫ age of aquaaariuuuus!

JORDAN: She might not know a lot of things, but Caroline Ingalls baked a MEAN pie. She also brushed her hair a lot. Jordan has pretty hair.

CHIMA: Charmed the pants (I said pants and not skirt, but please don’t think I’m sexist) off me tonight with her Gerard Butler joke. It was so original and so poignant! I’m really happy Chima was awarded such a lovely treat. I so love her (vocabulary) and admire her (vocabulary).

I have to say this is my favorite competition so far. It was actually really entertaining and because there were rounds involved, interesting to watch even if we knew the outcome. I like this Tuesday episode, there was more “meat” in general.

I know I originally said I’d like the Have Nots to get pickled eggs and pickled herring but I think I’d be equally satisfied with Sauerkraut and Seaweed. I promise you this, if you put those ingredients in front of me, I’d still be able to cook up a full meal. Speaking of which, is anyone else loving “Chopped” on the Food Network?

I loved how BB tried to endear us with Ronnie’s quarter joke at the end. Yowza. I hope you called “earmuffs” around your little ones when he told us where those quarters came from.

PS: This blog was hard to write without my usual shenanigans. Harder than an asian man watching his first porn. Sigh. The things I do.



Blogger Carolyn said...

I'll be back to publish comments and open an afternoon report at 1pm BBT :)

July 22, 2009 at 11:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love Jun. Next time back to the shenagans!

July 22, 2009 at 12:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well played, JUN! Loved it.

July 22, 2009 at 12:08 PM  
Blogger Bethra said...

I was watching Little House last night. Carolyn got a cut on her leg well exiting the wagon. Charles and the girls went on a trip and she ws left alone....MAKING pies for the neighbors. Anway, she got really sick from the cut and almost died.....Good thing Dr. Baker took such good care of her because he pulled through.

July 22, 2009 at 12:09 PM  
Blogger Jamison said...

Ha! Hi Jun :) Love Chopped and Next Food Network Star.

As always, loved your blog.

Carolyn - you mentioned in comments that Nat had convo w/ Jesse about backing off so she doesn't p*ss off Lydia. Do you happen to remember when that happened? I'd like to see his reaction.

July 22, 2009 at 12:10 PM  
Blogger Jamison said...

PS) Is Casey drinking a beer w/ his shirt off, headband on at 1212 in the afternoon?

ha! Guess they played Snoop Dog this AM. Casey was excited.

And yes Carolyn, I see a difference. I liked him from the jump. He's looking more fit...just needs to lay off the tanning a bit...all of them do...except for maybe Michelle.

July 22, 2009 at 12:14 PM  
Blogger Mary and Matthew said...

Wonderful, Jun!

I was also perplexed at Jeff's "touche" mis-use. And, your humor is defo appropriate. After all, it's HUMOR!

July 22, 2009 at 12:21 PM  
Anonymous Veronica said...

You are hilarious! Let me know when your in Chicago I can lead u in the right direction!

July 22, 2009 at 12:21 PM  
Blogger SofaKingLost said...

Jun, you are fabulous! Witty, accurate and hysterical. What more could anyone want! Kudos!

July 22, 2009 at 12:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG Jun that was awesome....I hope all the ANONS were here to read it...and not comment.
See you all later in the comments.
Hi Carolyn and all.

July 22, 2009 at 12:27 PM  
Anonymous catrina said...

Great post, Jun! Though I loved your season, this one seems to be off to an eventful start. I go from loving to 'strongly disliking' each houseguest.
As for "Chopped," LOVE IT!

July 22, 2009 at 12:30 PM  
Blogger Corey said...

OMGosh Jun! you know WAAAAAYYY too much about Little House!
hilarious as always :)

July 22, 2009 at 12:35 PM  
Blogger Cris said...

HAHAHA Lovin' the Little House references. Great job Jun.

I'm wondering about all those anons though...you wouldn't think people that didn't partake in a little schadenfreude would really be interested in Big Brother.

July 22, 2009 at 12:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG You crack me up!!!!! I think I was laughing harder this time then last. Keep up the great work!!!! btw Thanks Carolyn for all that you do, Im a regular follower just an occasional commenter{is that a word} lol and a pogo player

July 22, 2009 at 12:36 PM  
Blogger Becky aka mom aka tata! said...

Hilarious Jun!

July 22, 2009 at 12:37 PM  
Blogger bluex1969 said...

Jun, that was perfectly written!!! It may be a wee bit too subtle, though, for a couple of the whiners and complainers of your last blog posting, but perfectly written, nonetheless.

Actually, Little House on the Prairie, is one of my favorite childhood programs, and your comparative analysis was hysterical, spot-on, and one of the funniest and wittiest satires I have read in a very long time!!!

July 22, 2009 at 12:39 PM  
Blogger WendyLady33 said...

:0) Came in for a quick peek while brownies are in the oven.

Thanks again Jun for your time and effort here! I can't say i'd ever thought as HGs as characters on Little House but you got it working.

July 22, 2009 at 12:45 PM  
Blogger johnny_5 said...

That was tremendously enlightening Jun. You have opened my eyes to the true beauty of BB (the inner beauty).

July 22, 2009 at 12:48 PM  
Blogger JulieB said...

Jun, Jun, Jun....*shakes head*

You may not have written it the same as your previous posts, but I sure read it like you did.


And I'm sure all those anons will be loving the shoutouts! :)

And as this is my first post today, good afternoon everyone!! Missed all of you last night, I signed in just as Carolyn was signing out. :(

Hope you are all having a wonderful day oogling Russ and Jeff, oops I mean enjoying the sunny day.

July 22, 2009 at 12:49 PM  
Blogger umbeta1455 said...

Jun you are a hoot. I just love how you did the right thing and didn't offend anyone and did things the PC way. That is so big of you. LOL.

July 22, 2009 at 12:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Russell and Ronnie are plotting!!!!

2:47 p.m. eastern time

July 22, 2009 at 12:52 PM  
Blogger Cris said...

LOL We should have played a drinking game this morning. A shot every time Casey mentions the fact that "apparently the wake up call means nothing.....". OMG I'd be on the way to the hospital to have my stomach pumped by now.

July 22, 2009 at 12:55 PM  
Blogger Michelle in Indiana said...

Very well played Jun. I do have a question for you. When you get out of the house do you get a copy of the feeds?

July 22, 2009 at 12:57 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

12:50 BBT feeds 3&4 Ronnie and Russell were plotting....Russell is saying he is still on rnnies side and he orchestrated the blow up to get everything out to protect their alliance...

July 22, 2009 at 12:57 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

lol Jun

great post...i dont post much, but i am here at the bbdish alllllllllll the time and i am really loving your new addition to the site ;)


July 22, 2009 at 12:58 PM  
Anonymous Scott in Miami said...

Hey, we all know where quarters come from (except Jordan)

July 22, 2009 at 12:59 PM  
Blogger mikeinbama said...

WOW.....Russell just filled Ronnie in on everything that is going on in the house. All of Russells antics were a ploy to throw everyone off the trail....

WOW....just WOW! This will either work or get blown apart.

July 22, 2009 at 12:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jun you are hilarious! I think you should go on Chopped. You'd win that hands down too girl. I think you do a great blog and i look forward to it! I totally get your humor and it cracks me up!
Nerp in IA

July 22, 2009 at 1:01 PM  
Blogger Cris said...

OK WTH Russell. I'm sorry I do not buy that the whole blow up the other night and Russell's subsequent treatment of Ronnie was just a big plan. Russell's been hitting the Jessie Koolaid a little too much if you ask me.
Jessie is controlling the house right now. I hate to say it but so far Jessie is playing a much better game this season. Still can't stand him though.

July 22, 2009 at 1:03 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

New Top Post!!! :)

July 22, 2009 at 1:04 PM  
Anonymous Rose said...

Damn...how do I get a blogger status, I was anon again at 12:27 I must keep forgetting to put my name....duh...

July 22, 2009 at 1:05 PM  
Anonymous Rose said...

There isn't much going on so hope everyone doesn't mind but I want to put this on, it is quite amusing..my daughter has quite the gift for writing.
Last summer we "camped" for a month. I say it in quotes because we are technically living in a 2 bedroom home that happens to be on wheels. It's not camping so much when you've got a/c and running water. So far, we've been "camping" for about 3 weeks. And here, some things I've noticed:

Things that would sound really weird if you weren't in a camper:

"No, you can't play at the table, your brother is sleeping the kitchen."

"Where's the broom?" ... "In the tub."

Said while at the kitchen table: "Could you close the door so I don't have to look at the toilet?"

"Stop jumping, you're rocking the whole house."

"Move your stuff, I need to slide the living room in."

"Move the baby's crib, he's too close the the stove."

"I can't get in the fridge, the baby's crib is in the way."

Things you can only do if you're in a camper:

Sit on the toilet and brush your teeth. And actually reach the sink to spit.

Play one round of hide and seek and exhaust all your options.

Sit at the table and open the refridgerator.

Sweep the floor in ten seconds flat.

Make the entire place look trashed with just one deck of cards.

Sleep on the table. And have it be acceptable.

Things I've noticed or discovered:

Six people can live in roughly 200 square feet and not kill each other.

You can resist the urge to want to kill your brother or sister.

Kids have too much. But when it's gone, they don't even miss it.

You can entertain most kids for hours with a fishing pole. Or a ball. Or a shovel and bucket.


You can let kids fight it out.

I can get by with 4 outfits and a swimsuit.

Little boys look cute dirty.

So do little girls.

I'd rather be too close to my family than too far apart.

Kids are still creative, active, interested, and easily entertained. We just don't make them be.

I could lose everything in my house aside from the people and be perfectly happy.

Less really IS more.

Little girls are sometimes better at baiting a hook than boys.

Card games are still fun. Go fish, Old Maid, Uno.

Fun is cheap. Sometimes, it's even free.

The best things in life aren't air-conditioned.

S'mores are fun. And yummy.

Time passes whether you want it to or not. So don't blink...you might miss it.

July 22, 2009 at 1:08 PM  
Blogger GaYToR said...

Jun, Jun Jun!

And I quote:

"You can fool some of the people all the time. You can fool all of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time. - Abraham Lincoln (I think)

He's the one on a shiny penny which btw did not find it's way into Ronnie's ass crack. He was already out of the game by the time they had to guess pennies.)

Absolutely loved this one as I do all of your work. But I read between the lines and "you sooooo nasty!"

Now get back to your usual although you did say it would be a satire week and indeed it was. *Applause* *Applause* (Not to be confused with giving you the clap.)

Re: the MEAN anons. I love the nice ones who post here and this is not to them but those that Carolyn has to deal with that we never see... those are "anonyMOOSES." (Was that terribly wrong of me to compare a human to an animal or was it worse that I insulted the entire moose species? Does that make me racist?)

I ♥ you as always. Keep it up!


July 22, 2009 at 1:20 PM  
Anonymous Lessa said...

Jun? I think I love you.


July 22, 2009 at 1:33 PM  
Anonymous Patti said...


"Tou·ché - a word used to acknowledge that somebody has made an especially witty remark"

LOVED your blog! I LMAO as I'm sure everyone did! Were you this hilarious during BB4 and why don't I remember that?

Huggies girlfriend! xoxo

July 22, 2009 at 1:50 PM  
OpenID MattitudeV1oh said...

Jun, I absolutely adore your biting sense of humor. It's unapologetic and gets to the meat of the situation. You're a "pop off, tell it like it is" person who doesn't care if you offend anyone. This tongue-in-cheek, passive aggressive response to those who didn't like your writing style was pure genius.

I should probably remove my lips from your behind but I can't help it. Your take on Big Brother would be amusing even if you weren't a former player let alone a former winner.

I wasn't a big fan of season 4 but I am a big fan of your column. Keep up the great work. Rock on, Ms. Song.

July 22, 2009 at 2:46 PM  
Anonymous Alisa said...

Very well played Jun! Loving your blogs this season, you've really been an asset to our little dish home.

July 22, 2009 at 3:24 PM  
Anonymous C=Venus said...

I love, love, love your caustic wit Jun! You are superbly funny and always spot on. This was cool and I did have a chuckle (or three ;)) but I really, truly, ooly luv the way you usually write - don't change a thing, girl!

July 22, 2009 at 3:52 PM  
Blogger Jun BB4 said...

haha! I love you all too! I've been babysitting since 1pm nyc time and decided to sneak in here.

I'll be back later, I've got a 2 1/2 year old and 8 month old and I don't wanna go to jail for neglecting them See you all soon!! )

July 22, 2009 at 3:54 PM  
Blogger jluvsturtles said...

Bring back the Shenanigins!!!! Let Jun be Jun, people!!!!!!!


July 22, 2009 at 4:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Jun,
I don't know what people are complaining about! I love your blogs :)

July 22, 2009 at 5:11 PM  
Anonymous Michigan Man said...

Another superb job Jun. You do know way to much about Little House though. I don't remember all those Olsen's must of been in later seasons maybe. Keep up the great work.

Rose, your little "camping" story was cute and insightful.

July 22, 2009 at 6:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jun, I'm surprised that you like Chima's comments. I find her 'racist' and elitist towards ALL West Virginians. I am not from there, but if i were, I'd be dismayed that she is so ignorant about their lives.

July 22, 2009 at 8:47 PM  
Blogger Jun BB4 said...

Well. Actually, my blog was completely obnoxious and facetious so I meant basically the OPPOSITE of what I wrote. :)

The day I actually say I like Chima I promise to wear fishnet down Fifth Avenue (and will prob move out of nyc after that).

July 22, 2009 at 8:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, sorry, Jun. I guess that flew right over my head. But keep those fishnets, they may come in handy someday. One never knows. :)

July 22, 2009 at 9:31 PM  
Blogger Fairplay said...

Jun, your blogs are awesome. Anyone who can't figure out your wit needs to visit disney.com and watch Hannah Montana reruns. And please, feel free to "pursue" me anytime.

July 22, 2009 at 9:49 PM  
Blogger Jun BB4 said...

Bethra! I love that episode! I'm not scared to admit I DVR them on TVLand and watch them when I need cheering up :)

Thanks Jamison. You are good peeps haha.

Thanks M&M, I knew youd appreciate it :)

Veronica, get your GPS calibrated girl!

SofaKing, I need a baby daddy. How are your genes on a scale of 1 to 10?

Catrina, much appreciated. Chopped rocks!

Cris, thanks for teaching me a new word! Schadenfreude. I'm gonna make my momz say that the next time I see her. Guaranteed it will come out in five syllables or more.

Corey and Michigan, I can't help it. My twisted momz wouldn't let me watch tv but let me watch Little House all I wanted. I think that's why I went nuts as an adult and worship reality tv. HAHAHAHA

Blue. I think you should go get licensed so you can officiate my wedding, whenever that happens. I'd be honored.

Johnny, all I can do is try. Welcome to the dark / light. HA :)

Julie, I admit I laughed when i reread my own blog. OMFG, I am like Chima.

Umbeta, I'm all about big :)

Michelle, I didn't get a copy of the feeds but I did get a set of the entire season (noone else did). That was quite enough for me, haha.

Lessa, if you think you love me, then I think I love you too :) I'm easy that way, haha.

Patti, I will call your huggies and raise you gropies. The thing is, I've always been this funny! HAHA. I was actually Class President and Class Clown my senior year. Explaing THAT ONE to a korean mom. HAHA. I wonder if I would have been "Popular" or "Offbeat" in the house with that combo.

GAYtor, what can I say? My momz would agree with you "she so baaad guhl!" (translations: she's such a bad girl) hahahaha

Mattitude, you had me at "lips...your behind" Who have you been talking to?! I love booty love!

Thanks for all the support my ladies! Rock on Becky, Wendy, Amber, Rose (sounds like camping's pretty fun with you :), Alisa, Venus, Turtles!

If I have left anyone out, my apologies. I am cock-eyed trying to keep up. And English is my second language anyway. :)

July 22, 2009 at 9:50 PM  
Blogger GaYToR said...

HEHEHEHEHE! Jun said cock-eyed.


July 23, 2009 at 12:14 AM  
Blogger Tella said...

Jun, I always love your sarcasm and wit. Your blog is funny as the opposite of heaven. Trying to keep it light. ;-)

By the way, who do you think will be the F1 come Monday... Ed or Kypton?

July 23, 2009 at 2:16 AM  
Blogger JudyD said...

Jun you really have a way in making everyone happy.Thank you for the well written post.I rather enjoyed your point of veiw and can't wait to see more.

July 23, 2009 at 7:28 AM  
Blogger Jun BB4 said...

GAYtor, you get me, you really really get me! :)

Thanks Judy!

Oh Tella...sigh...Mr. Erectile Dysfunction is sweet and all, and Kiptyn is yummylicious. Sigh. It will prob be ED.

July 23, 2009 at 10:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

umm...'scuse me, but who are you and what did you do with my JUN!!!!

July 23, 2009 at 12:58 PM  
Blogger Jun BB4 said...

HAHA. I'm here, but if you're going to refer to me as "my JUN" then you need to come forth! Have I known you in a biblical sense?! :)

July 23, 2009 at 2:25 PM  

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